


In the Woods Somewhere

by Spokane



Category: Glass (2019), Split (2016)
Genre: Domestic, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, This is a very soft fic, brief mentions of past child abuse, the kind of ending everyone deserves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2020-11-26 12:49:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20930492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spokane/pseuds/Spokane
Summary: Set 4 years after Glass, Casey has used all her gained inner strength to build a stable life for herself, in a little isolated cabin in the woods.But when the man who changed everything for her inexplicably crosses paths with her again, she struggles to understand how he fits into her new life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a oneshot and it still kinda is, but I'm not dropping 16k novella in one go lol so it's going to be broken up into 3 chapters. Because Glass was all the action/angst plot I needed, I made this soft and emotional as some comfort reading.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then reimagine the world.”  
\--Mary Oliver

She suspected she might never come back here.

After spending a year living in relative isolation, far removed from the bustling streets of Philadelphia, she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by the cacophony of sound as she stopped at the once familiar corner station to fill the truck with gas in prepation for the 2 day trip back home.

Back to the lonely little cabin in the woods she’d called home for the past year. Back to her job at the wildlife rehabilitation center, the endless sky, the snow, the frigid mountain air at the cusp of spring. Back to not feeling her stomach twist itself into knots over every painful memory brought back to life. Leaning against the hood while she waited for the truck to fill her eyes flickered to the old city streets.

Her former-foster siblings missed her and she liked to come visit every now and then when she got the time off work and bring them each a little something. But every trip made her a little more resentful towards the city that let her slip through the cracks for so long. Returning to Philadelphia had always proved bittersweet, but these days she found that the bitter far outweighed the sweet, despite the best efforts of her former foster family to make her feel welcomed in their warm home again. The long trips back used to be justified by the glowing smiles of the kids still in the home, the genuine warmth of her foster family, but even that wasn’t enough to overcome the crushing weight of the memories here.

Greif came in waves, it always did. In her time away it had distilled into a lonely etching inside her, every memory, ever notch against her skin burned inside her like an insidious poison. She could hardly wait until the truck filled to get back on the road and the hell away from here.

She wasn’t coming back. There was nothing here for her that could justify doing this to herself again.

Looking down at the gas station hoagie in her hand she felt a fresh wave of anger sweep through her. She felt sick, like she couldn’t bear another bite of it. The poisoned fruit of a dirty, loud, cramped city that had taken everything from her, that had almost swallowed her whole.

Casey knew she was being ridiculous, but she’d learned that sometimes just letting herself be angry, sad and betrayed- even when it seemed nonsensical was the only way to stay sane after everything.

_And sometimes that meant throwing away a perfectly good half-a-sandwich,_ Casey mused as she located the nearest trash can. She paused, noticing what looked like a homeless man sifting through the trash like some sort of foraging animal and placed the sandwich directly in front of him before quickly drawing her hand back.

It was then that her world turned. Her pulse spiked with adrenaline at the impossible as she met the man’s eyes. _Those_ eyes.

A vibrant and profound shade of blue. The kind of blue that narrowed the rest of the world down to shades of gray as she stared into them, as if this were the only color that was ever real. She knew those eyes.

She’d seen things she couldn’t explain before, but this threatened the very fabric that wove her reality together. It simply couldn’t be. The man looked back down at the sandwich in the trashcan, and Casey realized it must be a strange trick of mistaken identity.

“Kevin?” She couldn’t stop herself from uttering hoarsely. She knew it couldn’t be true, that somehow being back in the city was making her relive painful trauma in new and cruel ways.

But then they looked up at her and there were those eyes again, hazy, almost unseeing, as if they were looking through her without actually seeing.

“You- You’re-” Casey fumbled, the ability of speech suddenly taken from her. “You’re alive- oh my god, you’re _alive_? What is this?”

They didn’t seem happy to see her, in fact the man seemed rather flighty. Their behavior combined with the silence made Casey wonder if after all she’d done, after all she’d put behind her and moved on with in her life; it’d finally overcome her. She’d finally snapped.

“Okay, okay.” Casey tried to slow her breathing and leaned forward, lowering her voice. She was fully aware now that she may be hallucinating, talking to a trashcan and a random homeless man. “No. You’re dead- I _saw_ you die. I think I’m losing it.” Casey shook her head in frantic disbelief and stepped away. “You couldn’t have survived. You couldn’t. _Fuck._ I’m losing it aren’t I?”

“Everything was dark, but we crawled back to the light. We did it- we did it.” They spoke, as if they were letting her in on a desperate secret. Though their voice was hoarse and unused, Casey knew that voice. She could never forget it. She wasn’t sure who she was speaking with, there was always a thread of similarity between the alternates’ voices, the product of sharing the same vocal cords. 

“You survived? Did you- _How_?” Her mind raced faster than her mouth could keep up.

She approached them carefully, unsure of anything that tethered her reality together at the moment. She could only be sure of one thing, that this wasn’t Kevin or the Horde as she’d ever known them. Their beard was scraggly, their hair long and wild, and their clothes- well they’d clearly seen and _smelled_ better days. They looked like they hadn’t slept or showered in quite some time.

They staggered backwards from her, limping slightly, eyes wide with fear. “_Please_. We’ve been good, we swear.” They rambled on incoherently, somehow lost within themselves.

“Okay, uhm-” She stopped in her tracks when it appeared they might bolt. “I’m sorry. I thought I knew you. Are you Barry… or maybe Dennis?”

They seemed somehow confused by her question. “We haven’t been able to take our pills for a few days, I’m sorry.” They shook their head and their voice seemed to switch, morphing softly into another tone at the end.

“What pills?” Casey tried valiantly to understand what was happening to her.

“We got a guy at 34th and Wallace, gives them to us. It keeps everyone quiet- mostly Dennis. He gets real upset.” Now they adopted a brash southern drawl, with odd stresses on the syllables.

“So then, you_ do _know Dennis?” Casey managed to ask, barely able to string a coherent thought together .

“Yeah.” They scratched a hand through their beard. 

“Do you know Kevin? Can I talk to Kevin?”

“We- we don’t,” They vehemently shook their head and their face crumpled. They choked out a few more incoherent words as tears ran down their cheeks.

“Oh hey, how about- ” She immediately backtracked at seeing them cry, fumbling over her words before a dangerously impulsive question crossed her mind.“ Why don’t you come with me?”

“We can’t we’re…” They stammered, almost defensively. “We’re doing just fine right here.”

“I’m_ sure_ you are but I just want to talk, just for a little bit. I needed to tell Kevin something.”

“Nah, he’s not here right now, I don’t think.” They shook their head once more, pointedly avoiding any eye contact.

“That’s okay, I’ll wait.” Casey said with a shrug. She knew she was making them uncomfortable, but she _needed_ to find out what happened to Kevin, no matter what. She needed to somehow get answers.

They made shuffle back farther, maybe even turn to leave her, but Casey was relentless.

“_Please_. I know this seems a little crazy, but I just need to make sure Kevin is okay. I was a friend of his, I don’t know if anyone remembers me.” She made a show of looking over her shoulder and adjusting her jacket. “We can go to my truck, it’s warm in there.” 

They seemed to take a moment to think, their gaze distant and mouthing things as if lost inside their own head. “Yeah. Yeah that’s fine.” They finally answered.

A few moments later Casey had a homeless man in her truck. Well, it wasn’t just any homeless man. It both was and wasn’t Kevin. Casey’s frantic heart tugged at seeing them in such a state, unhinged but fragile.

“So, uh…you wanna go get a shower? I can get you a room somewhere-” She tried.

“_No_!” They snarled in response, startling Casey. This was probably a huge mistake. But she wanted to help them somehow, somehow take away their distress. Take them away from here.

“Sorry. We decided don’t need one.” There was suddenly an unmistakable lit to their accent.

“I’m hungry, are you hungry? Can we get some food?” She tried a different tactic.

“Yeah- Yes. I’d like that.” They sounded almost childish now, and that voice haunted her most of all.

_____________________

They’d fallen asleep almost instantly, before Casey even had the chance to stop at the closest fast-food joint. So she just drove, like a bat out of hell. Like she could somehow make sense of the past 20 minutes of her life by leaving the city. She kept looking over, thinking maybe she’d look over and finally see nothing- like he’d never been there in the first place. 

But her reality never seemed to change. There was a homeless man sleeping in her truck, or at least she _thought_ there was. But she realized that if he was actually there and actually Kevin and the others, then that reality was almost just as hard to face. They were dirty and unkempt, but the smell was more of an unwashed smell, and less of a… dead smell. So she was pretty sure they wasn’t a walking corpse come back to haunt her. _Pretty _sure.

They were 4 hours away when they finally came to.

“_You._” Their voice startled her. “I think we remember you- you had scars. Can we see them?”

“No.” Casey shook her head slowly, discomfited. She kept her eyes straight ahead on the road. “Not right now.”

It was quiet after that. But after each rest stop she took, they still came back to the truck. She began suspect to they wouldn’t flee the first chance they got after all. Some part of them knew they were in good company, she supposed. Or this was a very persistent hallucination.

She played the radio, ate snacks, got them a burger, but the silence was oppressive. For a girl who’d wanted it more than anything for most of her life, this was the kind of silence that was crushing. Maybe if she hadn’t impulsively decided to take a man off the street who she thought was someone with supernatural abilities and believed died in her arms 4 years ago, she’d feel a little less nervous.

They were starting to fidget, she could see in their eyes they were distressed. She didn’t know what they’d been taking, but maybe they were experiencing some sort of withdrawal effect. They seemed muted, muddled at times- as if they were a conglomerate of a persona as opposed to one clearly defined personality. They looked out the window, their eyes red-rimmed and watery. She wondered if they might open the door and run. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on her, but they were no prisoner here.

So she started talking to ease the nerve-wracking silence.

Telling them how glad she was that she found them, how she thought she might be losing her mind or dreaming. But Casey didn’t stop there. It seemed to be calming them, so she kept going. She told them about her adult life once she aged out of the system, about university, about needing to get as far away from Philadelphia as possible, her job at the wildlife rehabilitation center. Admittedly, it’s been a busy 4 years. But it had to be- she never would’ve survived otherwise.

“My boss is actually pretty good, she gives a shit about what we’re trying to do there, sometimes it feels like me and her are probably the only people on staff who do. Getting the job out there, fresh out of school was probably the best way things could’ve gone. I got the hell out of Philly and a place to live.”

She kept looking over between words to see if they had anything to say, but each time she was just met by piercing blue eyes from the passenger seat fixed on her, intently listening.

“So, when I first started last year she basically just gave me a cabin someone in her family used to own, she said ‘a young woman living self-sufficiently in it would’ve been just the kind of thing he would’ve hated the most.’ I guess he was kind of an asshole, but a rich asshole since apparently he had like 6 of these little cabins all around the state at some point. She doesn’t have any kids, but if she did she would’ve wanted a daughter to live there just to stick it to him up in heaven. She’s super religious, but pretty chill about it at the same time.”

Maybe it was the caffeine talking. She never just _talked_ like this, and had someone to listen unwaveringly to her. The conversation was completely one-sided and yet it felt good to have someone to listen, just listen.

“ It’s kinda funny actually, at first I thought she was being too nice, I don’t know why but I didn’t trust her. I thought maybe she expected me to somehow work it off or something. Then I saw it, and yeah, it’s _really_ not much. I can see why she’d rather hand it off instead of trying to fix it up and sell it, it’d probably be a totally money sink to make sellable. It’s super old and a lot of the furniture is ancient. But I think I’ve done an okay job of fixing it up.”

She talked about her uncle. How he was still in jail, how her father’s property had gone to her once she turned eighteen. How her uncle had tainted every memory of every space in it.

“I just wanted to burn it all to the ground, but I used the money from it to pay for school and the rest of it to get the truck. 2012 model, not bad actually. Guess I got lucky I don’t have to pay for the cabin, providing it doesn’t just fall down one of these days.” Before adding, “…I don’t think it’s actually gonna do that. It’s a little more put together than that. A _little_.” with a small grin.

When she asked what they’d done over the 4 years since she witnessed them die in her arms she was met with maddening emptiness.

“We don’t know.” They stared vacantly out the window. “Dennis keeps trying to find a way to turn the lights back on for everyone. But we’re better off in the dark together.”

“What lights?” Her eyes narrowed in confusion. “Can I talk to him?”

“He said he needs to get clean first.”

Hours passed, and when Casey finally forced herself to stop at a motel, it was well past midnight.

“Why hasn’t anyone come looking for you? I don’t understand how you’ve been walking around all this time. How did I find you, did you know I was coming?” Casey once again found herself bombarding them with questions before she could stop herself as they entered their room.

“Don’t know, everything before is… Dark.” Their answers frustrated her more and more.

“How did you survive?”

“He helped us. _He_ did it. ” The southern drawl was back, like a preacher trying to convince a nonbeliever.

“The Beast?”

An emphatic nod was her only answer.

Casey put her bag down gingerly, feeling as if she was walking on eggshells with every move and phrase. “Would you like to try showering now?”

She grimaced as she watched their fists clenched and unclench at their sides, hoping the outburst that was about to ensue wouldn’t result in them getting kicked out, or worse. But then their shoulders relaxed.

“Yeah.” To her surprise they acquiesced.

_____________________

After 50 minutes, a feeling of dread encompassed her. With each step she took from the grimy bed to the bathroom door, the prospect of finding them face down in a pool of blood, or drowned became a little more real. Or that they disappeared- having never been there at all.

She brushed her knuckles against the door, a phantom of a knock. “Are you okay?”

“Not really. This bathroom is filthy, these towels are filthy. I can’t find my glasses.” A chill of something teetering between relief and terror shot through her, like pure adrenalin through her veins. She knew that voice. 

“Wait. Who’re you?” The voice demanded before wrenching the door open. Casey was face-to-face with Dennis. And he was completely _naked_. His skin scrubbed pink and raw from toes to face, which Casey quickly jerked her head back towards.

“Oh. Thought that was you. I had a dream about you and a truck,” Dennis, oblivious or uncaring to his naked state took in the seedy motel surroundings past the bathroom door. His expression changed to horror as he brought a hand up to his face.

“Wait wait, what’s all over my face- oh my _god_ what’s all over my _face_?” He ran frantic hands through his beard and scraggly hair. “What’s happening? What am I doin’ here, why’s this shit all over me it needs to come off right now-” He turned to start scrambling through the drawers.

“It’s okay it’s okay! Just, please, wait.” Casey tried to calm him by approaching slowly. “Your clothes are down there and I’m not sure where your glasses are but I’ll explain everything. Just please try to stay with it, okay?”

“I can’t put those back on.” Dennis fervidly refused.

“Okay, well if you can’t, can you go get someone who can?” Casey tried to think fast before this devolved into something even more uncontrollable. “When we leave tomorrow you gotta be wearing something. I’d offer mine but I don’t think they’ll fit.” 

“No I can-” he grunted, Casey knew from experience that they were shifting.

The alter that now stood before her looked down at themselves, and upon realizing they were naked, dashed to cover themselves with a towel- but in their haste grabbed the hand towel instead. Which might’ve been humorous were the spectacle before her less completely off kilter.

“Oi, where’re me rags?” Their heavy accent bellowed at her.

Casey just pointed numbly to the corner.

“Aye, were ye having a good oogle? Well, I’m putting these on and hittin the stretcher. I’m fair peched.” They pulled their underwear back on.

“There’s… Only one bed.” Casey noted mutely.

“It’s Mary Reynolds by the way,” They announced while examining the pile of clothes. “Och these reek, but if it’s all we got- I’ve seen worse. What’d ya say about the bed now lass?”

“I said there’s only one bed.”

“Well no shame having a cuddle, it’s nippy- pure _baltic_ in this shitehole. Me n’ Ian used to share that steel bunk more oft’ than not. ” Mary wasted no time brushing past Casey and settling beneath the covers. Leaving Casey standing dumbly in the bathroom.

It wasn’t until their breathing grew steady that Casey finally settled herself gingerly on top of the covers. Wide awake and, utterly shell-shocked. What the actual _hell_ was happening. She needed answers.

An internet search from her phone revealed at least a fraction of what she was looking for. Following citation of multiple human rights violations, the Black Clover Organization had been exposed and completely defunded, about 3 years ago apparently. It still didn’t explain anything about how Kevin- or at least some version of him had survived, but it did explain how he avoided further capture. Casey scrolled past the photo page of Dr. Staple’s trial from last year, unsurprised at seeing all the names of the higher ups and funders that she’d ratted out. Even someone as tightly buttoned as her sang like a bird when faced with the monumental weight of her crimes against humanity- there had been others she’d hurt, others she’d had killed.

Her and the people she hunted weren’t so different after all. They could all become monsters in the right circumstances.

Casey stopped following any news about the events at Raven Hill after the videos of “superhumans” had been written off as a deep fake. The videos were thought to be of tortured mentally ill patients forced to act by Dr. Staple and later edited by the organization, they went viral for a few days before they were forgotten. The world moved on, not ready to believe what she’d known to be true with her own eyes. It wasn’t the first time the world hadn’t believed something she’d experienced. She’d tried to put John away 4 times before someone finally believed her. Casey had taken it all in stride, Mrs. Price just seemed sad but unsurprised, but Joseph- She remembered Joseph’s fury in a coffee shop they’d met in days after the incident, vowing that, if nothing else, he was going to take down Black Clover if it was the last thing he did. She wondered if this was his doing. The only grounding she felt in the reality of what happened, as the world tilted under her.

They’d _survived_. She’d replayed them dying in her arms countless times, it haunted her dreams. Casey lay awake, staring at the dingy ceiling and wondered the mechanics of how it could’ve happened. He might’ve crawled away somehow after the fight or, or woken up in the morgue somehow weak but still alive, or had he somehow literally risen from the dead- or the most plausible explanation of all; she’d finally lost her mind.

Yet, they were still there when she woke up, meaning that this was either the most elaborate dream of all time, or she _wasn’t_ dreaming or hallucinating. They blinked into the harsh overhead lights once she turned them on.

“I’m leaving in 10 if you uh, still want to come with me.” She wanted to give them a choice, but sincerely hoped they wouldn’t demand she leave them here so they could find their way back to the streets of Philly now that they seemed to be at least somewhat more cognizant. 

“Yeah, let’s go!” It sounded like an echo of Hedwig, but the voice was all wrong. Nonetheless they dressed and followed her out the door.

After they were seated beside her once again, Casey decided they probably weren’t a literal zombie- they smelled better after their shower last night. Probably too good to be a zombie. _Christ _this was weird.

Steady on the road again they slept beside her. She wondered if they’d been able to sleep much, and _where_ they had been sleeping- before deciding she’d maybe rather not know. It didn’t matter, she was going to take care of them now.

Hours passed before a deep voice startled her intent focus on mountain roads ahead of them.

“So you said you worked wildlife rehab?” Dennis was back.

“Yeah.” So he had been listening, somehow, even through the dissociated fugue state.

“You house animals indoors or outdoors?”

“Some of both. We have some outdoor and some indoor facilities.” She answered awkwardly, unsure where this was going.

“You use the Sutton brand feeders for the larger animals?”

“… Actually, yeah. You know those?”

“Shitty feeders, no idea why they’re so popular. They couldn’t stand the pressure from the larger animals knocking against them, kept getting unbolted. Should’ve got Behlen, they’re stronger.”

“Oh. Never heard of those.” Casey offered. She didn’t really know how to talk to Dennis yet.

Dennis eventually yielded the light to Barry, who talked animatedly with her about everything but the last 4 years. He’d spent the last hour alone talking almost nonstop about all the projects he’d been working on, paying no mind to anything that had transpired since he’d last been working on them.

“…It’s going to have _lots_ of lacing down the sides, I haven’t finished it but I already know you’d look good in it. But you could pull almost anything off. Honestly you could be a model, your lips, those big doe eyes, and you’re the perfect height for it. You ever think about that? ”

Casey felt her face heat, cheeks filling with color. “No, I haven’t.”

And suddenly, they were almost home. Barry seemed to have a mysterious way of making time pass quicker.

“I hope you’re not planning on murdering us out here.” He laughed as he saw how the road had disappeared into snowy dirt and trees as they neared the cabin.

“Kinda thought you already were dead, so it’d be pretty redundant.” She half-smiled, the dark irony of it all wasn’t lost on her.

By the time they pulled up to the front porch, Barry had switched back to Dennis.

“You got a bathroom?” He asked, flatly.

"Yeah, go through the kitchen, it’s on the right.”

She had only just unlocked the door before he was making a beeline for the bathroom, muttering to himself feverishly all the while. “I’ve been sitting in these dirty clothes- I gotta wash ‘em. I gotta shower.”

“ There’s no hot water right now, I’m not sure what’s going on with the heater. It’s pretty bad I know, but I haven’t had time to do anything about it yet, just so you know.” The door closed without a response.

Once she heard the water running she climbed into the loft space, looking for anything in the old forgotten crates that he could wear but came up empty. She made herself a note to go to town and get him some basic clothes later. She didn’t need Dennis naked in this weather.

Climbing down, she heard the buzz of the ancient set of clippers she’d meant to throw out since she’d moved. After an eternity of her awkwardly waiting in the living room, Dennis emerged, wearing a towel. The waves of hair were gone and his face cleanly shaven.

And yet- somehow it _wasn’t _Dennis.

“_Casey_?” It was Kevin.

She couldn’t stop herself from running to him and crushing him in her arms so hard he nearly fell back against the door.

____________________

As a matter of routine every morning Casey took a brief walk around the cabin, looking at plants and wildlife. It somehow calmed her, reminded her of days spent with her father. The woods were starting to awaken with the soft sounds of spring; birds chirped, snow melt dripped and the creek was thawing.

In a matter days Kevin and the others had fallen into a routine with her, incorporating easily into her daily life. With a ratty blanket and extra pillow from her bed, they made a bed out of the well-worn couch in the living room. Initially she’d had reservations about leaving for work, the first time she had to leave them home alone. But every night she came home and one of the alters was still there to greet her, Casey began to worry less and less about them running.

More often than not, they had dinner waiting for her, and bagged lunches prepared for her the next day. She came home one day to find the water heater fixed and slowly odd repairs showed up here and there. Barry told her not to mention it to Dennis the next time she saw him- he didn’t like to be thanked. Barry was the first to hang sketches up in the living room and gradually each of the alters added their own touches. The house was flourishing under their care, and they seemed to be thriving in their new environment.

But a dark thread of apprehension grew in Casey in the weeks since she’d taken them here. Always in the back of her mind she was afraid of losing them, of coming home and finding the home ripped apart and them descending into the Beast, rampaging off into the dark forest, never to return. In the deepest recesses of her mind she knew it was foolish to hope she could save Kevin from himself should the alters decide to turn on him, should they decide that the Beast’s time had come again. And even if he begged for death again, she didn’t know if she could go through with it now. She’d already watched him die once.

It was these images that haunted her thoughts as she lay awake in her creaky lonely bed.

____________________

Casey awoke from a fitful sleep one night to the feeling of eyes on her back.

“Hey Casey?” Hedwig’s voice was small and he sniffled slightly.

“Hedwig? It’s really late,” She didn’t dare look at the clock. “What’s going on?”

“I had a nightmare.” He sniffed wetly again. “Can I sleep with you?”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” She had work in a few hours and every minute of sleep counted. Placating Hedwig and sharing her bed hadn’t seemed odd in the slightest but when she felt the weight of an adult man’s body dip the bed next to her, something skipped in her chest.

The strange fluttering only compounded when Hedwig asked “Can you hold me?” in a desperate whine. Nonetheless, Casey turned over and hesitantly reached out in the dark. She pulled him into herself, feeling that he was shirtless and his chest was solid and warm as she spooned his body with hers.

“Goodnight Hedwig.” She inhaled deeply, trying to relax against the fact that she now felt wide awake at his body’s proximity.

“Night Casey, I _won’t_ wet the bed I promise- also can we stay here with you forever?”

She hadn’t thought about that. The future was undetermined blurry thing, changing with every day.“ Well, I don’t know how well the Beast is gonna do in the house whenever he comes out. Plus you guys might get bored out here.” She was only half-joking.

Honestly Casey didn’t know what to do when the Beast inevitably returned. She was somewhat surprised she hadn’t seen him in the news since he’d survived all this time, but perhaps the Horde decided to keep him at bay under the necessity of laying low. But out here, in serene isolation, all bets were off she supposed.

“Oh the Beast? Yeah, he’s sleepin’. As long as you’re here to protect Kevin, etcetera, we don’t need him.”

Hedwig’s words shocked Casey, as if they had all somehow just moved on. As if it were that unfathomably simple for them.

“But what about the others,” Casey felt breathless with confusion, like her mind couldn’t keep up with the questions she had. “What about Patricia? I thought she wanted to show the world what the Beast was capable of- I thought they were gonna start a revolution?”

“Nah, everyone all had this big meeting and decided that they gotta help take care of you now.” Hedwig shrugged and snuggled against the pillows.

“What? _Me_?”

“Mmhmm. They said bein’ here is good for Kevin and so we gotta help you take care of it. Y’know, like keeping things nice for you, fixing stuff, etcetera.”

She didn’t know how to feel, but certainly didn’t want the responsibility of making them feel obligated to stay and help her with anything.

“Thanks, but tell them that they really don’t have to stay and take care of anything if they don’t want to. I’ve been doing fine so far.”

“No you weren’t. You were _lonely,” _Casey opened her mouth to protest but Hedwig pressed on. “But it’s okay, I was lonely too. It was so dark in our room and no one played with me for a really long time.”

“It’s really not about the Beast anymore? I hope you mean it Hedwig. A lot of people got hurt. Kevin got hurt.”

Instead of an answer she could hear them grunting and felt the muscles of their chest clench and release under her hands as they switched in the darkness.

“You see, it was only ever about protecting Kevin, it always has been and always should be.” A prim accent greeted her through the dark and Casey realized she was now spooning Patricia.

“Yeah? Well, you did a _great _job with that.” Casey remarked coldly as she immediately removed her hands from Patricia’s naked chest and scooted herself into a sitting position.

She immediately regretted the acidic remark, but for years she’d held Patricia responsible for Kevin’s downfall from what she’d gathered was an otherwise functional life. Had she been more awake she might’ve thought better of it, she’d seen how nasty Patricia could turn.

Instead Patricia sighed, something close to a defeated sound. “I admit I lost my way. I had lost sight of our original purpose and because of my influence, we almost…Lost ourselves.”

There were a million things Casey wanted to say in response to that, namely pointing out the older woman’s gentled retelling of ‘bled out in my arms’. But she remained silent.

“I do apologize for my actions towards you in the past. You must think me monstrous, but please understand that I deemed those actions to be necessary. I believed they would help Kevin, it was nothing personal.”

Casey absently traced the scar on her leg, torn between wanting to believe Patricia and her blatant mistrust of ever believing Patricia could ever be this forthcoming. She supposed only time would tell.

“Had we_ all _been protecting Kevin as we should, the Beast would’ve never been necessary.” Patricia passive aggressively stressed the ‘all’, as if there were another alter to blame for the events leading up to the Beast’s emergence. But given the prideful, dignified woman Patricia was, Casey hardly expected a full confession of fault.

“Anyways, we have come to the conclusion that remaining here for now is best for Kevin, if you will have us. I cannot tell you how nice it is to everyone agreeing on something for once.”

“You guys can stay here as long as you need. Just keep Kevin safe, please.” Casey nodded numbly, not entirely sure what to make of it all.

“You care a lot about us, even though we have given you every reason to the contrary. Are you attracted to one of us? Or could it be that you _desired _to be kidnapped-”

“_No!” _Casey all but yelled. “No. _Jesus_. Can you just…Not say things like that.”

“I’m sorry, I was just trying to understand. No one has ever treated us like this before.”

“I guess I just,” Casey bit her lip, trying to understand her own actions. “I know what it’s like to be a part of something totally out of your control. When someone who should take care of you hurts you instead. But what you guys did was also wrong, _really_ wrong. Nothing will ever change that. Kevin deserved better than what you guys put him through.” Casey couldn’t stop herself, damning the consequences of angering Patricia, Casey’s ire welled forward like a spring. “People are afraid of people like you guys now. Good people out there like Kevin and Barry have to hide because of what _you_ did.”

Patricia was silent for a bit.

“You must understand, I was just trying to do the right thing. For Kevin.”

“You knew it wasn’t-” Casey couldn’t do this now, unwilling to argue further she slumped against the headboard. “Look, maybe you have another chance to do the right thing. Just lay low and support Kevin. I mean, I have no idea what you guys need or how to help you besides a place to stay but-”

“This is enough.” Patricia assured, and Casey tried not to flinch when she suddenly felt calloused fingertips brush against her cheek for a brief moment before retracting back into the impenetrable darkness. The flutter was back. “You know, the light came back in our room once you brought us here. We are very grateful for that.”

Casey yawned, having half a mind to go put on a pot of coffee seeing as her mind and body were now much too awake but it was then that Patricia put an end to their conversation. “Well, I mustn’t keep you up any longer, you have work in the morning after all. Goodnight dear.”

“Night.” Casey mumbled. Sleep caught her before she could even register it happening.

She awoke to her alarm and upon switching on the lamp Casey found who appeared to be Patricia still her bed, knees up against her chest, asleep on top of the covers.

It was then Casey learned what was perhaps the strangest duality of all; 

Patricia _snored._

____________________

Over the course of the next few weeks Casey thought deeply over what Patricia had said to her, but even deeper about what Hedwig had said. Casey would never know why the woman had decided to sleep in her bed, but she had a hunch. The same hunch Hedwig had about her.

They were both desperately _lonely_.

People from work asked about her sunny smile, and her daily packed lunches. The way her mind seemed to drift off while tending to the smaller animal cages, the way she no longer dragged her feet at the end of a shift, no longer looking for any excuse to stay longer.

She shrugged and told them they were imagining things, but she knew the truth. She had someone to go home to now. Someone now waited for her in her dusty little cabin. That was a heady feeling. A inexplicable companionship had formed between her and the alters the weeks turned to months.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then reimagine the world.”  
\--Mary Oliver

All the while, Casey still found herself struggling to piece together what had happened between Raven Hill and now.

“All that time, the last four years- can you remember anything?” She asked as she sat in a chair by the door, in the process of taking her boots off before she went inside. Kevin had washed the floors while she was at work.

“I don’t, I really don’t. I’ve got one memory of waking up under an overpass, but before that… I was bleeding and being held,” he swallowed thickly. “By you.”

“Oh.” Casey exhaled, it was all so painful to hear.

“I’m used to it.” Kevin shrugged. “I mean, I sometimes wondered what it’d be like to have total control. To actually be in control of the light and have everyone listen, it’d be nice.”

“Do you think you could ever take full control of the light back? I think you could, I’ve seen you do it.”

“I,” He took a long pause before managing an answer. “Maybe someday.”

She sat up, surprised at Kevin’s optimism. “Really?”

“Sounds crazy but, I went to sleep last night, and when I woke up this morning I still had the light. I can’t remember the last time that happened.” Kevin smiled, and for once it didn’t look like it was covering a desperate sadness inside him.

“I don’t think it sounds crazy. I just want you to be happy and safe, whatever that looks like for you.”

“Guess I’m still figuring that out. But I like spending time with you when you come home from work, that makes me happy.”

Casey felt her heart race and her cheeks flush as she floundered for something to say back, and Kevin looked immediately apologetic.

“Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't've-” Kevin attempted to backpedal but instead there was a grunt and a bunching of his muscles, signaling a change.

“No, no it’s okay I’m really happy too Kevin,” Casey pleaded, hoping he would stay with her, but to no avail.

“You _can’t_ be happy in those uniform pants babe,” Barry wrinkled his nose at her in jest. “It’s way too hot for all that. How ‘bout you change into those cute little shorts and come back out? I wanna finish that sketch of you from last week.” 

Casey gave a weak laugh as she hopped up from the chair to go inside, unidentifiable emotions swirling inside her all the while. The flutter was getting stronger.

_____________________

“You wanna go pick huckleberries?” Casey asked Kevin one afternoon in a fit of inspiration. She had the day off, and the weather was getting quite warm.

“Huckle-what?” Kevin looked up from where he was scrubbing stains out of her uniform pants. The orphaned bear cubs at work were messy feeders, so he had his work cut out for him.

“Huckleberries. They’re like blueberries but better. Trust me. They grow up the hill from the river trail.”

“Sure.” He shrugged and gave her a smile that made her want to keep finding ways to see it again and again.

They made the 2 mile hike and the patch didn’t disappoint, the bushes were laden with the little purple berries. Casey found herself eating more than were making it into the container she’d brought, but Kevin seemed to be collecting enough for the both of them. Until he finally couldn’t resist sneaking mouthfuls here and there.

Casey ran a finger between her plump lips, and looked up to find Kevin watching her closely, looking absolutely entranced. He slowly brought another berry to his mouth, but his eyes never left hers. She was trapped in his bright blue gaze, while he licked his lips, purpling them with juice. It wasn’t until he sauntered closer to her with a wiggle in his hips while still sucking the remains of crushed berries from his fingertips that she realized this definitely _wasn’t_ Kevin.

Casey noted there was something more intense about their eyes as they closed in on her, some sort of all-consuming hunger to rival even that of the Beast. They giggled coquettishly at her before bringing up the pad of their thumb to her mouth and swiping it across the perfect bow of Casey’s huckleberry covered lips.

“What’re you doing?” Casey shakily begged.

“What Kevin was taking too long to do.” Jade answered her.

“What?” Casey took a step back, utterly dazed in a confusing tangle of emotions. “What happened to Kevin?”

“ I just…sorta pushed him out of his chair for a sec, but he’s fine. He was taking too long and I just wanna kiss you like, _so_ bad right now.” Jade sucked the tip of her thumb into her mouth, savoring the juice from Casey’s lips. “Promise it’ll be better than that little brat- just kidding I l_ove _Hedwig but it’s _so_ unfair he’s the only one who got to kiss you.”

“I- uhm.” Casey swallowed.

“Don’t worry, it’ll just stay between us girls.” Her light eyes fluttered innocently skyward. “Unless Dennis is watching us, fuckin’ perv." 

“Okay.” Casey chose to give into the fire, her body suddenly starving for touch with a hunger she’d never felt before.

Jade closed the space between them, lips chastely leaving a wet mark of juice against Casey’s cheek. Casey drew back incrementally, staring at their lips. They had tragically beautiful lips, She’d always thought so.

Casey moved forward first, surprising herself and closing the scant distance between their lips. She relished in the feeling of lips against hers, feeling just as she’d imagined they would; warm, soft, with the faintest scrape of stubble against her jaw.

Jade pulled back and giggled at Casey before diving back in with renewed fervor. Tongues danced and Casey could taste the heady sweetness of the berries in her mouth. She felt like she’d regained a measure of her stolen youth as she made out with Jade in the huckleberry patch, it was thrilling and intoxicating.

Jade snuck her hands down to Casey’s waist, pulling their hips together before sliding up and under Casey’s top in careful increments. Casey felt the hard bulge of an erection against her thigh and brushed tentatively against it, causing Jade to suddenly still.

Casey immediately pulled back, hoping she hadn’t offended Jade in some kind of horrible DID faux pas. The heat was still there in her intense blue eyes but the playfulness had gone from them, replaced with something akin to absolute devotion.

Casey realized she wasn’t looking at Jade anymore.

“_Casey_.” They said, enraptured.

Casey took hold of their hands from where they rested on her the soft scarred flesh of her belly and encouraged them upwards towards her breasts. Her nipples peaked against her sports bra in anticipation as she encouraged their hands under the elastic band. They had only just grazed the supple flesh beneath when they retracted their hand as if burned by it.

“Wait, no-” They suddenly seemed somewhere other than this moment. They backed away from her, fear and betrayal swept across their face. “Nononono. _No_!” 

“What’s-” Casey immediately pulled her shirt back down and stepped towards them, but they took off towards the path.

Casey stood for a moment, considering chasing after them before sinking to her knees in the dusty grass instead. Chasing them and trying to keep them in her world was obviously an inane venture, Casey realized she needed to face the facts.

So she sat there and bit back her tears. She’d been a fool to think she could give them everything they needed out here, that she understood them and could keep them safe. 

She sat there for a long while.

Finally when she felt she’d collected herself enough, Casey walked in a haze back to her lonely cabin, bracing herself to find that Kevin and his many other selves were lost in the woods somewhere.

But instead she found them curled up on the couch that acted as their bed for the last few months, their coiled body facing away from her.

“I’m sorry.” Was all she could manage.

“S’alright.” It was Dennis who answered her.

Casey stared at their back, unable to string a coherent thought, unable to even imagine where she should start. 

“I gotta go take a shower.” He immediately fled for the sanctity of the bathroom before she could say anything more.

_____________________

Casey quickly realized the most forthcoming alter was undoubtably Barry, memories and trauma often spilled at the seams from him at the oddest moments. He shared pieces of the field-trip incident with her along with earlier abusive memories. While it was usually under a shroud of dark humor, somewhere deep down inside them, Casey could still sense their anguish. Although he never connected the trauma with the day in the huckleberry patch, she knew she’d caused them to flashback. She knew exactly what that felt like, and the guilt from causing him such pain tore her apart.

Barry asked her several times about why she never went out. About what else she could be doing in town besides being stuck here, with only them as company and why she hadn’t found herself a nice boyfriend. He seemed to pity her. 

“Most people from work just wanna go out for drinks together, and I’m legal to drink and all but I still just…Don’t. I didn’t when I was in school much either. I don’t know why I don’t go, but I don’t. Probably for the best. I feel like I don’t know what to say to people most of the time.” Casey confessed with a shrug.

“Oh _honey_.” Barry commiserated, his expressions exaggerated.

“Nah, it’s okay. I like being here, it’s not so lonely anymore.”

“Well you must go out sometime, babe. How else are you gonna meet someone?” 

“No one worth meeting at _that_ bar, trust me.” Casey scoffed.

“You might be surprised, you never know.” Barry winked at her, but somehow Casey just felt hollowed.

_____________________

She found herself unable to forget the feeling of their strong body against hers in the huckleberry patch, the soft slide of their lips. She thought about it a lot. She never wanted to cross the line into uncomfortable territory with them, but she can’t quite tell where the line ends with them. They all seemed to want different things, but Casey just wanted _them_.

One morning while Kevin was washing up after breakfast and Casey was on her way out she tentatively pecked him on the cheek. He turned to fully face her and touched a trembling hand to the invisible mark across his stubble.

“ I’m sorry- I shouldn’t do that. I…I just wanted you to have a good day.” Her face vehemently reddened as she immediately regretted her selfish, reckless impulse.

“It’s okay, you don’t ever owe me an apology.” Kevin mumbled, while turning back to focus intently on the dish water. “It’s just that I worry about you sometimes, Casey. You’re so lonely out here you’d even be willing to settle for someone like us. Like _me_.” His voice was edged with a despairing rawness. 

“I’m_ not_ settling, I’m making a choice.” Casey felt a pang of hurt in her gut, despite herself.

“You deserve someone better than me.” He chided himself, as if this were all a self-fulfilling prophecy and him upsetting her with his words were the proof. 

“I _deserve _the consideration that I know what I want. But if you don’t, then …Just tell me. I can deal with it, it’s fine.” Casey said, despondently , before turning to leave.

She immediately regretted it as soon as the door closed behind her, and nearly turned back to apologize and explain herself. But she feared she’d only make it worse, every time she opened her mouth to try and help Kevin she seemed to make things worse. She clearly made him uncomfortable, and he’d been through more than enough.

Her actions and unspoken words festered within her at work. Kevin and the others were staying with her because they had literally nowhere else to go and she’d selfishly taken advantage of them. The situation was so sickeningly familiar, she was disgusted with herself. She resolved to ignore her selfish thoughts about her companion. No more nights in her lonely bed with a shameful hand below the waistband of her pajama shorts, bringing herself to completion on forbidden thoughts and dreams of what he might do, what it might be like to be loved by him. She needed to stop thinking of him in that way and learn to live with him as the person he needed her to be.

When she came home that afternoon, she found it was still Kevin that was waiting for her once she stepped onto the porch.

“Hey,uh-” She greeted him, not knowing what to say about the morning’s events. The uncomfortable silence stretched out in the beastly summer air, and she gave up with a sigh. “Do you wanna go to the lake?” She asked instead, on a sudden whim.

“Yeah,” He replied after a moment. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

The lake was Casey’s own hidden paradise, a tiny thing hidden away between the trees, a few miles from the cabin. Upon reaching the pebbled shores of the forest lake, in lieu of not owning any actual swimwear Casey had changed into a ratty tee-shirt and she stripped her shorts off to begin wading into the balmy waters in not but her shirt and panties. After spending so long hiding herself away, the isolated lake finally gave her the chance to be free. Last year she’d even dared to swim naked on a particularly hot day.

Kevin was staring at her, and though Casey comforted herself in the fact that her current attire was no more revealing than a swimsuit, under his piercing gaze she felt she’d done something inappropriate. His hands were balled in his shirt, in the process of moving it past his toned abdominals but he’d stopped, looking somewhat indecisive.

“Feels pretty good,” Casey dipped her head under for a moment, hoping her nonchalant demeanor would dispense any hesitation he may have about joining her. “But not as cool as I was hoping for.”

“Probably a hell of a lot better than standing out here, though.” Kevin answered, giving a low huff before stripping his shirt in one swift motion. The scars from where he’d been shot were still there, an ever present reminder of the impossible.

He’d started to take off his pants when Casey felt her face heat and frantically turned from him, trying to school the flutter in her chest and give him the privacy he deserved. Nonetheless, she caught an accidental glimpse of his dark briefs when she turned back.

For a while they alternated between swimming around each other and diving down to the shallow bottom, scattering schools of small fish. Kevin smiled at her every time they surfaced, looking genuinely blissful. Casey wondered who taught Kevin to swim, and if he ever got to swim as a kid. She wondered what made him happy as a child, or if he even had a chance to find out.

Eventually Casey flopped over to float motionless on the crystalline surface, and Kevin mirrored her. They floated together, and Casey watched as the clouds rolled in.

“When I was a kid my Dad used to take me to the pool, I used to love floating like this. Just listening to the weird underwater sounds and staring at the clouds, pretending I lived in the sky.” Casey smiled at the fond memory.

Kevin’s voice sounded somewhere to her right. “I used to do this in the bathtub. I always hoped I’d open my eyes be somewhere else. I dreamed about places like this.”

Feeling his pain, Casey reached out through the water and touched her hand against his. Their fingers intertwined and until they weren’t floating anymore. Suddenly they were standing face to face, inches apart.

Before Casey could fully register what was happening, their lips melded together.

It started as an innocently chaste thing before Kevin immediately deepened the kiss, and Casey then realized that he was just as desperate for this as she was. He’d been wanting for her too. His thick arms gripped her to him, as if she were his last lifeline in the vastness of the lake waters. She brought her arms up to his shoulders and hummed as she tasted his tongue.

“Kevin?” Casey breathed, incredulous, as they broke for air.

“I’m sorry I-” Kevin immediately released her, looking ashamed.

“No, _please_ don’t be sorry.”

“Okay,” He nodded with a trembling breath. “Okay.”

They fit themselves back together instantly, and this time Kevin’s hands moved along her back, tracing formless shapes into her skin. Casey felt cherished in a way that she’d never been able to articulate with anyone else before. Like the world had somehow narrowed to just her and Kevin and the warm waters they stood in. As they panted for breath, Casey leaned her forehead against his.

“Hey.” He gave her a small smile, looking somewhat dazed.

“Hi.” Casey smiled back.

The sharp rumble of thunder startled them apart. They sky was darkening rapidly above them and Casey wasn’t sure if she’d_ ever _hated a storm more. The unpredictable summer storms had thrilled her last year, but now all she felt was bitter resentment.

“Shit,” Kevin swept a hand over his scalp. “I left the fuckin’ laundry outside.”

The trees around them swayed and bent in the harsh breeze as the promise of rain loomed closer. “Maybe if we hurry we can beat it.” Casey offered as they ran for the truck on the pebbled shore. 

They didn’t. Driving back, clothes in hand, the deluge met them head on. Upon reaching the cabin Kevin immediately went for the laundry as Casey ran inside to try and close the windows before the rain blew through the screens and into the house.

“Shit Casey, your clothes…” She heard Kevin come in behind her as she struggled with the bedroom window where the humidity had warped the wood. “I put them all in the basket, but they’re soaked through.”

“It’s okay. We can just dry them later. I’ve got other things in my closet.” She grunted, finally managing to slam the window shut.

“No, I should’ve paid better attention, I’m _sorry_. I can’t do things right.” Kevin seethed at himself behind her and Casey turned around to comfort him, to tell him it was alright and she was grateful for everything tiny thing he did around the house.

But the words died on her tongue. Seeing Kevin’s rain soaked body standing in her bedroom in not but his briefs drove every coherent thought from her mind. Her body suddenly buzzed with helpless desire. She _wanted._

“Kevin I-” She didn’t know what she was asking for, what she needed. “I want-”

She took a breath, stilled all the racing thoughts, the fears, the shame and met his gaze.

“Can I kiss you again?” Her voice felt thick, each word heavy in her mouth.

His frown lines deepened as he studied her. After an extended torturous moment of silence, he carefully nodded.

This time when she kissed him she let her hunger soak up everything he had to give her, every appreciative hum she wrought from his body. Kevin reciprocated each fervent movement, hands dipping lower on her waist than she’d ever dared hope for, like he couldn’t help himself. At some point they backed into the bed, and Casey nudged for Kevin to lay down onto the faded red blankets. She followed him down, straddling his stomach and letting her wet hair drape across him. Kevin’s large hands came up to her face before drifting around her hips, as if he couldn’t quite decide where they should go.

But Casey had an idea of where she’d like his hands to be. She sat back, took a deep breath and lifted her wet shirt above her head. Kevin became resolutely still, staring as the cooler air hardened her nipples into rosy peaks.

“If,” She faltered for a moment. Her body practically sang to be touched, but this was a crucial moment and she needed to tread carefully. “If you want, you can touch them.”

Soundlessly, his hands left her hips and hovered hesitantly for a moment before gradually engulfing her chest. She shivered at the sensation of roughly calloused palms encompassing each breast, no doubt the result of working maintenance for all those years. Casey fought to keep herself still while he explored, afraid the slightest movement might scare him off. He tested them with a squeeze and she moaned softly, knocking him out of his reverie.

“That feels good.” She reassured him, wanting so badly to take his rough hands into hers and show him how badly she needed his touch.

Kevin still looked absolutely shocked at her noise. As if her actually wanting him, _moaning_ under his touch was somehow impossible to process, that it wasn’t somehow all a cruel prank. Her gut twisted as she caught a fleeting glimpse of Hedwig in his expression of boyish wonder, reminding her of how that same face could embody such timeless innocence. Kevin shifted upward to close the space between their lips once more, reverently, almost desperately. Her naked chest bumped up against his as they fell into the now somewhat familiar glide of lips over lips.

She surprised him by holding his bottom lip between her teeth and sucking until the flesh was a teasing shade of red and swollen when they finally had to break for air.

Panting for breath, Kevin looked down at himself and frowned slightly, suddenly transfixed at the sight of his cock straining a heavy bulge in his briefs. Looking both surprised and ashamed of his body’s reaction he slowly met her eyes and the heat became unbearable. Casey moved off him for a moment to ease her panties off, baring herself fully before him. 

“Can you touch me?” Her doe eyes shone in the dusty light , her voice small.

“I don’t deserve-” He started as she moved to climb atop him once again.

Casey tenderly pressed her forehead against his. “No, don’t do that. You do. We deserve this.”

She could feel him skip a breath when he cupped her mound lightly, before reaching between her folds and she felt the calloused pad of a finger slide tentatively against her clit. He paused at the sticky wetness he found there.

“You’re- you -” Kevin swallowed hard, feeling how she was messy with her desire for him. “You really want this, don’t you?” As if he were still processing her intentions.

She nodded emphatically, humming as he continued pressing against her swollen nub, alternating between gentle circles and pressing deeper into her. She never dreamed it could be like this. For so long she’d tried to never think about it at all. 

There was a wave building in her, just the thought of this man touching her, so devoted to her, so nourished by her tenderness. She basked in the pure warmth of his affections. That was all she needed as her walls clenched desperately around nothing, just his hand on her enough to deliver her into sweet orgasmic bliss .

Casey wondered if he could feel the rhythmic pulses of her climax against his finger, how he could ever possibly know how good he made her feel. But with the way she was gasping and clinging to him, she’d probably left little doubt in his mind. She surged forward to kiss him, pushing him into the pillows while full of an overflowing gratitude. She felt him then, prodding against her belly insistently, in sharp contrast to the rest of his hesitancy.

“Can I see you?” Casey asked breathless and full of hopeful desire as they broke apart this time and she sat back on her heels.

Kevin gave a tiny nod before sliding his briefs down, shuddering a nervous breath as his erection bobbed towards her. It was veined and thick, flushed red like the rest of him. She wondered how he would feel sliding against her but she knew she had to be careful with him now. One wrong move and he’d shut her down, tell her to find someone her age- someone who truly deserved her while he slunk back into the dark recesses of himself.

She crawled forward on her knees, causing him to jump slightly when she settled herself against him. His breathing grew erratic, flighty. They were skin on skin now.

“Is this okay? Do you like that?” The words sounded clumsy and unpracticed on her tongue, but she’d never experienced how to ask them before. No one had ever asked her that.

“_Yeah_. Yeah, I do.” He responded but suddenly he couldn’t look at her, his bright eyes fixed on the ceiling. Kevin scrubbed his hands over his face, groaning wretchedly when he felt her press against him.

“Uhh, it’s been a while since I-” He inhaled sharply as her dripping center started grinding up the length of his cock.

Casey watched, fascinated, as pre-cum dribbled onto his belly from where her lower lips had him trapped against it. The thick veins around his cock were bulging as he grew impossibly harder. She could feel him twitching against her and she was close, so _close _to getting him where she felt the need for him the strongest.

Suddenly, he held firm to her hips, completely stilling her movements against him. Inwardly she readied herself for rejection, or an alter coming to the light in defense of Kevin.

“What I’m trying to say is that I’m gonna disappoint you.” It was still his voice, deep and thick with emotion.

So that’s what this was about. She saw his hesitancy in a new light now, he wasn’t afraid of her touch, he was afraid of not making this good for her. She imagined he’d been teetering on the edge since they started and feeling how much she wanted him, feeling her make his cock sticky with herself was apparently threatening to drive him right over the edge.

“No, you won’t, Kevin. I promise.” She held his face in her hands. “No one has ever done this for me before. It feels good, it feels so good.”

“Casey,” He released her waist, reaching a trembling hand up to cup her cheek and offering her a melancholic smile. His brow furrowed as he took a measured breath and reached down to hold himself in a better position for her, an invitation.

She distantly heard the rain falling outside, but it was drowned out by the pounding in her ears as she finally sank down on him. The stretch of him right where she needed him blinding in how good it felt.

“_Oh_.” Was all she could manage once she was fully seated on him. She never imagined it could _ever _be like this. It was empowering.

By the time she’d finally started to move, Kevin had completely swallowed his words as he arched his neck back into the pillows. He could only take in gulps of air and grip at her waist for dear life while Casey rocked her hips in a steady but excruciatingly slow rhythm. The slide of him in and out was almost enough to bring her there again, she just needed a tiny bit more.

She dared move just a hairsbreadth faster and Kevin’s brows knitted together, his eyes wide with panic. “Oh _fuck, _Casey I-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” She breathlessly soothed him as she continued to shift her hips faster until his body tightened beneath her a moment later. Kevin groaned heavily with each breath as Casey felt a wet heat seep inside her, filling her with warmth.

“I’m sorry I- I’m sorry.” He panted, sagging back into the pillows as she embraced him in the afterglow.

“No I loved it. I didn’t know it could be like that.” Casey tried to reassure him as she climbed off and tucked herself into his side. Her mussed dark waves fanned out across the blankets.

“I don’t understand you, or what you’re doing with someone like me, Casey. I really don’t.” Kevin reached out to hold her face between his coarse palms, the both of them still fighting for breath. “But you’re amazing, you know that?”

_____________________

Casey didn’t sleep alone anymore after that.

Their mornings were spent rising together and preparing for the day, and their nights were filled with gentle litanies of love and the rhythmic creaking of their bed as they moved together.

As the summer nights were starting to cool slightly with the early promise of autumn, this night was one of particular significance. Casey had decided to burn some old wooden crates in the dirt behind the cabin and Kevin soon joined her with a blanket on which they took their time exploring each other by the orange glow of the flames.

The smooth fabric of the blanket felt mercifully cool on Casey’s bare skin against the overall swelter of the fire and heat of Kevin’s body flush against hers. Her dress had long been discarded somewhere along with Kevin’s clothes but their mouths just moved together in a slow, unhurried sort of rhythm. She could feel him, heavy and throbbing against her thigh with readiness but waiting- always waiting for _her_.

“I think,” Casey whispered as she pulled away for a moment. “I want to try something.”

With that she rolled onto her stomach, presenting Kevin with smooth curves of her ass and staring back at him with darkened doe eyes. She didn’t want to be afraid of this of this position anymore._ “Pretend we’re animals, Casey. This is how animals make each other feel better, don’t you wanna make me feel better?” _rang unbidden in her head.

“You want it like that?” Kevin’s deep voice, heady with disbelief at the sight that lay before him, snapped her back to reality.

“Yes.” She nodded and added after a beat of silence “Don’t hold anything back Kevin.”

“Alright.” He managed, intoxicated on the sight of her and of her trusting him with this. Kevin carefully settled himself over her back and she knew he well aware of what it meant to her.

“Whatever you need, Case. I’ll give you anything,” His speech melded into sweet nonsense in her ear as he plunged into her slowly, both of them reveling in the slide of him into her. Words eventually escaped him, devolving into harsh pants and deep animalistic grunts pulled from somewhere low in his chest once he began to thrust roughly, pinning her to the blanket.

In the firelight she could see their silhouette in the grass, him hunched over her like a rutting animal, pounding into her faster and harder as her moans and euphoric gasps drove him senselessly onward.

Ironic that like this his shadow looked more beast than man, a truth she knew all too well. He fucked her hard, purging every dark memory that dared enter her mind until she could think of nothing but them in this space together. Until they welcomed each other into the rhythmic waves of oblivion.

Later, when they were lying together breathless and sated, Casey turned her gaze skyward. She could see why the state was known as ‘big sky country’, for a seamless blanket of stars painted the night sky above them. Kevin always looked at them with the same wonder every night, like he’d never seen them before.

“I love you.” She murmured, turning to look back at Kevin. It had been an assumed thing over their months together in the cabin, but she realized she’d never outright told him as much. The subtle circles he was tracing in her skin stopped as his whole body stiffened.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever heard that enough, so I’m making up for it.” She gave him a breathless laugh. “I’m gonna say it so much, you’re gonna get sick of it.”

“Don’t think I ever could.” Kevin just looked at her then, his eyes wet. “And I love you, Casey, _so _much. We all do, I-” He faltered as he fought for breath, for words, for anything that could convey the depth of his outpouring emotions. Casey just held his head against her chest while he silently wept, softly stroking the short fuzz of hair.

And there they lay, as two broken souls slowly mending together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then reimagine the world.”  
\--Mary Oliver

The woods were growing still with the autumn freeze when she first noticed the change.

Norma, Casey had learned, was probably the best cook of the bunch- which was almost enough to balance out her obsessive doomsday tendencies with regards to religiosity and the rapture. Norma could whip a southern delicacy out of whatever ingredients Casey could hunt or buy and whatever sparse spices were in the cabinet. But tonight even Norma’s finest ‘southern style pot roast with all the fixins’ was turning Casey’s stomach.

“Darlin’ you hardly touched your roast. Is it not to your liking?”

“No, no it looks great. I’m just not feeling like eating very much right now, kinda queasy.”

“Here baby, try some of the potatoes.” Norma scooted the bowl of perfectly peaked white fluff topped with rich brown gravy towards her. “It’ll help settle everything down a bit.”

Upon catching a whiff of the steaming bowl Casey felt her stomach lurch threateningly. She stood up in the hopes that removing herself from the smell would somehow make her feel better, but her head pounded insistently as she went.

“I think I’m just gonna go lie down.” Casey hadn’t yet turned around before Norma dropped her silverware and began to pray.

“Oh dear _lord_ in heaven, let us pray.” Norma looked towards the heavens, clasping her hands in contrition. “Not with the rapture upon us… Please lord, do what you can to watch over this child, this family.” Norma pleaded frantically as Casey struggled to comprehend.

“What’s happening?” 

“You got a baby coming, honey.” The southernly woman gravely told her.

_____________________

And then the woods were quiet, the first blankets of snow muffling all forms of sound.

The concept of raising a child didn’t scare her as much as she thought it should. The hope that she could give someone the childhood she had so desperately wished for suffused her with a giddy warmth, even as the autumn air began to chill. Everything was strange, and different. Casey often found herself lost deep in thought while at work; sitting in the indoor pens with various offspring at her feet, a hand absently wandering to the growing swell of her own child. A child who she promised would never know the pain that the orphaned fawns and calves knew, what Kevin knew, what _she _knew.

For Kevin’s part she was afraid the news might be their undoing, but she was mistaken. They were all fascinated with guarded curiosity at the subtle ways her body was changing. Her scars itched and mocked her as the skin stretched tighter around them, so Kevin had taken to smoothing a balm over them.

One morning he felt movement fluttering under the skin and immediately retracted his hand with a small gasp. Casey just gently took his wrist and guided his hand back, smiling up at him. Wordlessly Kevin spread his hand flat across her abdomen, feeling every movement of the baby against his palm.

“Wow.” He shuddered in a breath, his eyes glassy with unshed emotion.

“Yeah, it feels a little stronger every day.”

____________________

The woods were silent while Casey watched the snow pile impossibly higher.

But her cabin was full of soft sounds; the fire crackled quietly, joined by the faint clicking of needles as Barry assiduously knitted in the chair opposite hers. He was knitting yet another little pair of booties, meticulously crafted to match the onsie he’d just finished. The needles didn’t falter in their furious pace- working as if his very life depended on it.

“This looks like a goddamn homestead blogger’s wet dream, well minus the knitting fruitcake over here. I suppose I should be wearing plaid and chopping wood to complete the scene.” He smiled, mostly to himself.

“So are we naming the baby Braxton or Lakynn?” Barry raised his voice to a more conversational level, this joke clearly intended for her.

Casey snorted softly over her steaming mug, before grimacing at the taste. Patricia kept leaving her strange herbal medleys and this one was particularly bitter.

“But have you thought of any? Names, I mean.”

“Mmm, not really.” Casey stared out the fogged window. She’d taken to calling the baby ‘fawn’ in her most private moments and thoughts, but as for serviceable names Casey found herself at a loss. She didn’t have anyone left in her life to name the baby after, no memory untainted-nothing pure enough for this child. 

A beat of silence stretched while she lost herself to weighty thoughts.

“I can’t go to the hospital with you when it’s time, we’ll get caught.” Suddenly Kevin was back.

“Then we won’t go to the hospital. We can do it right here.” Casey absolved, returning her gaze to the window.

_____________________

The woods were awakening again, the birds starting to chirp and nest in the early thawing branches but Casey could hardly hear them over the questions Hedwig was bombarding her with this morning.

Hedwig hadn’t been around much of late with Kevin becoming more and more dominant, sometimes going for days without a switch. Casey realized she’d never actually told Hedwig she was pregnant, but at this stage it was impossible not to notice.

“I knew they were keeping a big secret from me that’s why they tried to keep me out- you’re having a baby aren’t you?” His eyes narrowed before they got comically wide, panic stricken.

“Oh my god, I’m not ready to be a dad- I don’t even know how to be a dad, _etcetera_!”

Hedwig leaned forward on his heels, his voice a loud whisper. “Did this happen because I kissed you?”

“No.” She shook her head with a soft smile. As tempted as Casey was to say ‘sort of’ she knew it was a joke he wouldn’t understand, and she wanted to leave his childish innocence completely out of it.

“Oh. Wait, did Kevin kiss you? Did he put the baby in your tummy?”

Before she could think of a delicate way to answer Hedwig blurted out “Is it a boy or a girl? and “Can I play with them when they come out?” nearly simultaneously.

Casey rested a hand on her belly. “Not sure actually, Patricia told me she thinks it’s a girl because of how high I’m carrying. But I told her that’s an old wives tale and we’re not gonna really know until they’re born.”

“I don’t know about old wives but Miss Patricia knows lots about babies. When’s it coming out?”

“Should be sometime next month I think.” She paused her skinning, lost in thought of how imminent the birth was.

“Are you scared?” Hedwig watched her and pointed at his forehead. “Everyone’s been actin’ a little tense in here lately.”

“A little bit.”

_____________________

The woods were loud with birdsong and rushing water now, the last of the snow having melted away under the warm air. The cacophony of noise it created was the perfect blanket of sound for animals to hide their vulnerable young in. While the wildlife surrounding the cabin nurtured their new offspring a very pregnant Casey comforted herself in the fact that she would soon do the same.

Patricia was a rare sight around the house these days, but one morning Casey waddled into the kitchen to find the older woman already busying herself with preparing breakfast.

“Good morning sleepy, breakfast isn’t quite ready but by the time you finish your morning stroll it should be done.” Patricia chatted busily, not looking away from her careful chopping.

Tired and achy, Casey mumbled an acknowledgement as she reached for her jacket. She still took her morning walks every day without fail, even when she had to start wearing the old Philadelphia Zoo jacket again after hers no longer zipped past the bulge of her middle.

“For the life of me I simply cannot remember where I misplaced those Mozart CDs for the baby but I need- oh my, look at _you_.”

Confused, Casey looked down at herself, well what she could still see of herself. If she was wearing 2 different socks again, _fuck it_, at least she’d managed to put them on.

“You’re carrying much lower today, she’s definitely dropped. Won’t be long now, within the day I expect.” Patricia gave a neat little smile before resuming her chopping. “And about time too, you’re looking absolutely miserable darling. ”

Casey bit her tongue and tried not to be snippy with Patricia, but she’d had a hand in getting Casey into this state of tremendous discomfort after all, or rather, her_ body_ did.

“I’m going for a walk.” Casey shrugged, paying no mind to Patricia’s premonitions.

“Best not wander far, dear.”

.

Sure enough, Casey hadn’t walked 500 yards from the cabin before the sporadic cramping she’d experienced for the past few days intensified, forcing her to shuffle back inside. It was Kevin who was waiting for her inside and she could see it in his eyes, he immediately knew why she returned.

“Gonna go back to bed.” Casey murmured on her way past Kevin. She winced her way back to the bedroom, changed into one of his shirts, climbed into their creaky bed, and there she waited.

.

Time seemed to pass strangely as she curled in on herself between the blankets when the waves of pain washed over her. Kevin kept coming in to check on her from where he was readying supplies in the kitchen.

“How we doing?”

“_Hurts_.” Casey seethed from between clenched teeth.

“Do you need anything? What should I do?”

She could only whimper in response, tight in the clutches of another contraction.

“You gotta tell me what to do here Case’.” He drew in close, pleading desperately for something, _anything_ he could do to take her pain away.

“No,” She panted ” there’s nothing.” She wanted to explain more, to reassure him that everything was going to be fine and he was doing a perfect job, but she was far too winded to manage it.

.

Casey tried pacing around the house with Kevin’s careful support, having read somewhere that it would help move things along quicker. He massaged her back with strong hands, managing to provide some measure of relief until the contractions started coming without respite. Eventually the pain forced her back to bed and became so intense that she got sick all over the sheets, after which she just kept apologizing over and over as a sort of mantra to make her way through it.

“Shh, hey don’t worry ‘bout it. I’ll go get another towel.” Kevin soothed.

.

Casey completely lost track of time but felt at the absolute limit of what she could take now, tears and sweat pricked her eyes before Kevin wiped them away with the damp cloth.

“_God_ I- look what I did to you.” Self-hatred and helplessness crumpled Kevin’s face as he watched her twist against the sheets in agony.

“No, _we_ did this and it’s gonna be _great_.” Casey grit her teeth and tried to remain humorously optimistic. “And at the end of it we’re gonna get to hold our-” A sudden, burning pain washed over her, stealing all breath from her lungs.

She pushed against the urge to scream outright, taking measured pants and grunts until she couldn’t help but cry out. A shift of something instinctual welled up inside her, something ancient and primal, like her own _Beast_ was guiding her.

.

Until it was abruptly all over.

The baby gurgled a cry as Kevin cleaned it off and wrapped it in the towel Dennis had loving sanitized no less than 3 times, tears streaming down his face.

“It’s a-” His voice broke with a watery choked sob. “It’s a girl.”

She was pink, wrinkly and somehow the most beautiful thing Casey had ever seen.

_____________________

A few days later and the crickets were out in full force, humming a quiet midnight symphony as Casey drug herself awake. It was almost time for the baby to eat, so Casey decided to prepare herself a hot compress to preemptively soothe some of the nursing pains.

Walking into the kitchen she was surprised to find Kevin on the couch holding the dark haired infant, looking desperately somber as he stared at her sleeping face.

“Kevin, what’re you doing?” Casey whispered, sleep deprived and nonplussed.

Kevin swallowed thickly and looked up. “I- I think she might have my nose.” He sniffles in despairing disbelief.

“I mean, you’re her dad. Makes sense.” Casey settled in next to him as he shifted over to make room and the movement caused their newborn’s eyes to flutter open. “She’s got your eyes too.”

“Don’t all newborns have blue eyes? Pretty sure I read that somewhere.”

“Yeah, but not _that_ blue.” Casey smiles.

“I guess.” He murmurs, as if the prospect of someone with his genetics terrified him more than just a little. But Casey knew that wasn’t something she could fix for him with her words.

The silence stretched a moment while the baby wiggled in her cocoon-like blanket.

“She kinda looks like a little burrito grub.” Kevin quietly noted.

At that Casey couldn’t help but snicker. “I think she likes being swaddled though, it makes her feel safe.”

Their daughter started to whimper and wiggle harder, a sure sign she was hungry and Casey sighed. The hot compress would have to wait.

“Maybe, but I think she likes your milk more.” Kevin unwrapped the squirming bundle as Casey pulled up her top. She stroked the infant’s cheek to encourage her to suckle before bringing her to a breast.

“_Oof_\- She still needs a name.” Casey mused through a wince as the baby latched.

“You call her fawn sometimes.” Kevin answered.

“Yeah but like an actual name.”

It wasn’t long before they settled on one. Named simply for the month she was born but more than that; named for the spring after the long bitter winter of abandonment and heart wrenching loneliness her parents struggled through.

_May._ It was simple, sweet and Casey couldn’t imagine choosing anything else.

_May.May.May._ She couldn’t stop saying it, she talked to her tiny daughter constantly. They both did.

_____________________

Days turned to weeks and the woods filled with the sounds of summer. Time passed in a soft blur of family life, a life neither of them had ever really known.

It was a hot afternoon and May slept in her little basket while her parents toiled away in the sun, planting vegetables. Kevin had gone to check on the baby and walked back to the place where Casey was tilling the soil, his cheeks wet with fresh tears.

“Kevin, what is it?” Casey jumped up, terrified something was wrong.

“…What happens if I go away?” His jaw quivered as the words fell out of his mouth in a jumble.

“What?” Casey was taken aback by his question.

“What happens if-” He stopped to sniffle wetly as his face furrowed. “What if I lose the light again?”

“Well…You guys seem pretty good at taking turns these days.” She wasn’t sure how to answer him, how to take his fears away. She wasn’t sure she could.

“I know, but what if that changes Casey? What if it gets bad again- what if I wake up 2 years later and she’s growing up without me?”

“Well I wouldn’t call two ‘grownup’ per say,” She smiled but realized that probably wasn’t what he needed to hear at the moment. “They all want what’s best for May, right?”

“Right.” Kevin nodded. “They’d all do anything for her.”

“Then they know she needs her Dad here with her to keep her safe.”

“Yeah,” He nods again before sighing into a smile. “Yeah. You’re right. I’m not going anywhere.”

_____________________

The weeks turned into months and it was an early autumn, the leaves already starting to change into their fiery foliage around them. It was almost time for Casey to return to work during the day, and leave May at home with Kevin.

Kevin was strangely protective of his time with May. She had a way of keeping him in the light even when things got stressful, even when she wouldn’t stop crying for hours on end and both Kevin and Casey were at their wits end. He joked that Hedwig was bored with her because she was too little to be any fun, she stressed Dennis out with her messes and fussing, and Barry didn’t have much of a clue what to do with her, which was why Casey saw very little of them. The other alters visited occasionally, but were almost always switched after an hour. She brought Kevin joy without measure and he wanted every second with her.

And now Casey could see the joy they brought May in return, for their daughter was just old enough to giggle. Which absolutely melted Casey on contact the first time it happened.

“Case’, you gotta see this.” Kevin told her one afternoon when she came in from setting the clothes out to dry, his grin wide and catching.

“What?” Casey followed him to the place where May was practicing sitting up on the rug.

Kevin faked a theatrical sneeze and May exploded into a fit of giggles, so hard she couldn’t hold herself up anymore and flopped over onto the rug, still giggling.

Casey laughed and laughed until her sides burned.

_____________________

Time seemed to pass different now that May was with them. Already it was winter and May was 7 months old. Her dark hair was starting to curl slightly, much like Casey’s had at that age but her _eyes_\- her eyes stayed a very familiar shade of bright blue.

She was now starting to explore her environment in new ways, which Casey discovered one frosty Sunday morning.

She stirred awake to the sounds of a riot of giggles, babbles and Kevin’s voice; deeper than normal and rough from sleep “May…Baby? What’re you doin’ in here?”

Casey cracked one bleary eye open.

A very happy May was on the floor of their room and tugging on Kevin’s side of the blankets, babbling loudly. It might’ve been cuter some time other than the crack of dawn on a Sunday.

“Mmm,” Casey groaned and rolled over. “What’s May doing in here?”

“I honestly have no idea.” Kevin huffed a laugh.

“What do you mean?”

“Guess she must’ve gotten out of her crib.”

“Wait,” Casey sat up. “she got _out_?”

“I guess she must’ve climbed out…Somehow.” Kevin also seemed to be attempting to process the strange phenomenon.

“So you’re telling me she can climb before she can walk.” A certain parallel crossed her mind and Casey thought about making a dark humored ‘wall-climbing’ joke but quickly thought better of it. Some things were better left behind.

“I guess so. She must’ve climbed out and then crawled in here.”

They both stared down at the baby, who kicked her chubby little legs in joy and looked beyond pleased with herself and the attention her parents were giving her.

It turned out May was a _climber. _

After that incident they could no longer trust with any certainty for her to stay where they’d put her. It’d nearly scarred her for life- according to Kevin- one evening when she crawled into the living room while Casey was making herself rather cozy in Kevin’s lap. Casey thought the girl was far too young to understand what she’d almost just witnessed, but Kevin was _mortified_ and immediately jumped up to whisk the girl away.

Once she started to walk, things only got trickier. They constantly had to redirect and gently pull her down from shelves, the coffee table, cabinets, anything she could hoist herself over. One incident in particular saw her reaching a summit atop a kitchen counter while she was supposed to be down for a nap. “Dada!” She screeched happily from her perch and they still hadn’t figured that one out.

But then at 14 months old, she discovered she could _dance_ and then May was a dancer.

Returning home from work one evening, Casey opened the door to find the music on the little radio she’d bought for May turned up loud. Her and Kevin were hopping around the living room to the tune of some fuzzy 60’s classics station. For a moment he almost looked like Hedwig but Casey realized with how he was dressed and the careful way he was attending to May it _must _be Kevin.

Casey watched as May smiled and pounded her feet erratically to the beat, screeching with joy as Kevin lifted her into his arms, oblivious to the fact that Casey had slipped in behind them.

“Mama.” May reached for Casey over Kevin’s shoulder.

It was moments like these that amazed Casey, how Kevin had known nothing of this sort of tenderness as a child, but was able to provide it so freely, so easily. How they somehow hadn’t made a mess of her yet, how she was growing and smiling and laughing. She knew there were parts of himself that Kevin would do anything to save her from inheriting, just as he had inherited them from his mother. But where did the cycle start- with Kevin’s mother or her parents or even further back, Casey didn’t know. She knew challenges lay ahead of them; there were things that would be difficult to explain to their daughter, pasts that would need reckoning.

But for now, as she watched Kevin and their daughter she was sure of one thing. The cycle would stop with them. They’d give her the world that they’d been denied.

Casey was certain that their little girl would know nothing but love.

_In the Woods Somewhere _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it, kids :]  
Maybe I'll take another delve into this fandom and continue things later- but I think this ties up pretty good.


End file.
